This is not an easy journey. But it is a necessary one that requires a deep and sincere apology.
It’s been 4 months since God has confirmed to me that the LGBTQ+ Community are not sinning against Him for the Love they share between each other in their relationships. All my life, I grew up being taught that the lifestyle was sinful and an abomination to God. Being taught that this community would not inherit the Kingdom of God. They would not see our Lord and Savior and hear Him say, “well done”. I grew up being taught their love for one another was a choice, and a lustful and sinful one at that. Hearing certain ones say they are mentally ill or horribly abused.
What I am trying to say is that it’s been 4 months and I am trying desperately to shake my Homophobia. I am trying desperately to shake it and keep certain friends and family close. But it’s making me mad because I can’t do both! Trying to unconditionally love a community that I was taught to love conditionally while still trying to hang on to close family and friends. But I can’t do both. And my heart is shattering over this undeniable fact. So, I'm now left with two choices. Do what God is calling me to do in the LGBTQ+ Community, or cling to what love I have left from my family and friends.
The answer is simple, right? Do what God has called me to do. But no, it’s not that simple. It’s not that simple because when you grow up your whole life being taught one thing and then to find out that it’s wrong. That’s a whole other battle in itself, on top of the Homophobia that must be dealt with. To learn that God is actually the one bringing some of these same-sex unions together and have been since the beginning of our existence, blows my mind. Imagine, all your life being taught these are “children of the devil”, to God Himself showing you they are His. There are days when I am fired up and ready to do God’s will. To help bring inclusion, more unconditional love, and freedom to this ostracized group. But then there are days I get discouraged and doubtful, questioning if I can do what God has asked me to do. Dealing with family and friends telling me I'm being deceived.
Back in April of this year, before God brought me to this understanding of Homosexuality. I was on the alter one night at a prayer service. The moment was so intimate and passionate. Jesus was right there in front of me. I could truly feel His presence. It was as if another human body was right in front of me standing intimately close. He walked away from me and went to the stage of the church, which was about 6 to 8 feet from where I was standing. He said to me, “touch it”, referring to the stage. My soul knew what that meant. I knew He had a big task for me do. I've felt that all my life, but more so in this moment. I shook my head and said, “no”. He said again calmly, “touch it”. I stood there and continued to shake my head. He said, “I am with you. Touch it”. I'm crying at this point and still hesitant, but I finally walk to the stage where He was. And again, He says, “touch it”. I could feel His arm around my back as I reached my hands out to touch the stage. And as I touched it, I fell to my knees and sobbed. As I continued sob, He crouched down to my level and said, “never doubt what I have given you”. He then instructed me to stand, but again I said no. I felt unworthy. But again He said, “stand, Alisha!” in a firm stern voice. I stood up still sobbing with my head hung down. Again, He said to me, “stand”. I raised my head to look at Him and He said to me, “walk in My authority that I have given you!”. He came closer to me and said gently, “I have given you the keys. Walk in My authority!”.
I think about that moment and I think about my infancy in Christ. Back in 2014, He told me He was going to use me for Homosexuality. And I was all fired up for Jesus, ready to demolish this sinful choice with Him because I thought that’s what He wanted. But now finding out that His plans are not to use me to destroy Homosexuality. But rather, use me to help the Church to understand it and embrace it with Love. This can be mind-blowing at times. But in reality, it shouldn’t be because God is love. And He Loves His children! He doesn’t want to destroy Homosexuals nor any of His children. If He did, He would have done so long ago.
I have to apologize to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I am sorry for being scared to embrace you out of fear and loss of my loved ones. I am sorry for following the Church and not hearing your side of the debate, for not hearing your heart. I am sorry for being a part of excluding you out of the church by requiring you to change. I am sorry for letting the lies about you fill my head and hold judgement towards you. But most of all, LGBTQ+ Community, I am sorry for showing you the conditional love that the Church taught me to show and I willingly agreed. For this, and more that I could say, I am truly sorry.
Though I am a nobody in the eyes of society and my community. I am going to allow God to use me to reach you. So, that what God has given me can be of use to you to stop the hurt and pain of exclusion. I am confident, that what God has given me will help bridge the gap between us. But not so you can cross over to us. But that we may cross over to you.
I love you all, unconditionally! Please, pray for me.
His faithful servant,