"For many are called, but few are chosen" Matthew 22:14
Did I choose this path that you as a reader may be watching me take? Simple answer, no. Everything that is happening in my life and with this blog, I did not choose. My plans were to continue in college, become a psychologist, get married, have four or six kids, go to church, and live "happily ever after". That was genuinely my plan. Did I feel my spirit pulling me towards something different while trying to execute my plans for my life? Yes, almost daily. But there were times that my spirit wanted things that the teaching I grew up under didn’t allow. And no, I am not talking about my sexuality at this time (that will come in a later post). But my spirit would feel certain callings towards things that normal traditional Christianity did not fully acknowledge or partake in. The teaching that I grew up under couldn’t answer the deep-seated questions on my heart. But because I was taught to love God and then eventually genuinely falling in love with Him, I began to ignore my spiritual yearning. The yearning of my spirit didn’t go parallel with the God I was being taught about which was the God that I served.
This journey that I am on was sat before me. It was predestined, pre-orchestrated, pre-designed, intricately detailed for me. For Alisha. Because there is only one of me. Just like there is only one you. Everyone has their own purpose in the kingdom of God. Though I did not choose this journey or purpose for my life. I did make the choice to take the first step on this path, and after taking the first step, I continued to make the choice to take every step after that.
This journey that I am on and have been on ever since November 17th, 2013, began to answer my soul’s deep-rooted questions. I literally began to see God expanding before my eyes, my spiritual eyes. And as God became bigger, from 2013 to now, I felt my spirit gradually going against the grain of what I had been taught. At times, I found that what I was taught didn’t quite match with what God was personally saying to me and then confirming through His Word. But because at that time those findings were small, no one really noticed I was going against the grain. Only those closest to me could notice. But now, I am in a place where everyone notices my going against the grain. And now that everyone notices (not just friends and family), I am being mistreated, hated even, for what I am doing. I am being called a heretic and a blasphemer by people I don’t even know in the Christian Community.
At first, I started to allow this negativity to get to me. It started to bring down my spirit, which is always highly eager to please God. I wanted to give up. But then God reminded me of all the love and support that I’ve been receiving from His beautiful LGBTQ+ Community. Their encouragements and acceptance through comments and emails. The understanding and agreement that come from other individuals that understand what God helps me to write. The friends and family that don’t quite fully understand but still read and watch attentively and from time to time show understanding. God showed me the positive despite the negative, and so I decided to push on.
I am not a perfect person. I do make mistakes. And when I do make mistakes I not only apologize, but I no longer partake in the offense that I previously apologized for. If I were honestly committing blasphemy or heresy; I know God would have corrected me because He loves me. “For whom the LORD loves He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights” Proverbs 3:12. Then God reminded me, the Jews accused Jesus of blasphemy too. They accused Him out of fear because they didn’t understand. Now, I am no one compared to Jesus. But some accuse me of things that I have not done. But because it doesn’t fit with their centuries old interpretation of the Bible that they have, I've committed a crime in certain parts of the Christian Community. I am literally just reading the Bible with the guidance of God, but it doesn’t fit with their interpretation so I’m committing heresy. I wonder if the people that accused me of heresy stopped to even realize, I am not claiming the Bible to have an error, but I am seeing Theology does. I wonder if they realize that Theology is not the Bible, but rather the study of it. And so, God is striving to correct the interpretation of His Word and not His Word because His Word is without void and error.
God didn’t tell me my mission was to open the understanding of Man’s mind. God told me my mission is to impact the world with His Love. Therefore, my mission is to Love. It is not my job to open your understanding to His Word, that’s His job. My job is to Love you and to allow God to use me and the gifts He gave me to draw you His children. I will not argue, and I will not debate with you. My job is to write what God has given me and give it to you, helping those who seek His understanding to receive it. Do I have all the answers? No, and I thank God I don’t. I only know what God has shown me. And what God has shown me goes against the grain.
His people are hurting, His people are tired, His bride (the church) is weak, wounded. Just as a husband loves his wife, so does Christ love His church! He will save and heal His precious bride. Even if that means leaving the ninety-nine to go get the one, so will He do. Why? Because that’s how much He loves His bride. God is love and He is striving to show us what love is.
I am going against the grain because God is going against the grain, and I choose to follow Him.